I am very very picky about my CrossFit gear. I actually own a TON of fitness clothing and shoes at this point, but I recycle the same dozen outfits over and over and over again. Let me save you some time and money by telling you my favorites that I’m seeing on sale this Black Friday.

(Note: some of these are affiliate links, meaning I will make a % of purchases if you click through. Not comfortable with that? It’s cool. Just open a new window to shop.)

Reebok

40% off site-wide at Reebok.com with code HOLIDAY

40% off the online Reebok Outlet with code HOLIDAY

Free shipping and returns for risk-free shopping.

Reebok makes up more than half of my CrossFit wardrobe; it’s also my clothing of choice for most obstacle races. It’s comfortable, super sweat wicking and the board shorts are the best for repelling mud/water (I’ve also worn them canoeing and in a pinch, as a bathing suit bottom).

I love my Nano 4.0s with a white hot passion. They’re specially made for CrossFit and I swear they make burpees easier. They have a nice wide toebox and work great for running shorter distances; I wore them for my Spartan Sprint with no problems.

Before I had the 4s I had the Nano Speed, which I loved for its dual WOD/running ability too. They don’t make the Speeds anymore but you can get the Reebok CrossFit Sprint TR for $49.99 with code BLACKFRIDAY. It looks to be very similar.

If you’re more into the idea of lifting shoes for lifting, running shoes for running, you’ll want to investigate the Reebok CrossFit Lifter and Lifter 2.0 for $89.99 with code BLACKFRIDAY. (FWIW, my preferred dedicated running shoes are Mizuno.)

Other special deals you can pick up with the BLACKFRIDAY code:

Reebok Skyscape for $29.99: these shoes use the same tech as the soft padding on bras. They are soooooo comfy and are very low-profile, I replaced my Converse with black Syscapes for wearing as everyday kicks. Seriously, at this price you won’t regret getting a pair in black and another in a fun color or print.

Reebok Women’s Electrify for $39.99: running shoes inspired by Z tire technology; they’re like sports cars for your feet. Again, comfy; more geared toward running, although I wouldn’t go with them for putting in serious mileage.

The kids wear tons of Reebok too

Deals with code SAVEBIG:

• Reebok Kid’s Electrify for $29 with code SAVEBIG
• Reebok Kid’s Zig Big & Fast for $29 with code SAVEBIG
• Reebok Adult Jet for $49 at Reebok.com with code SAVEBIG

And if you’ve got a hard-to-shop-for person on your list… I always suggest custom shoes.

Hylete

Hylete (hybrid athlete) is the 1st runner up for my fave CrossFit gear. It’s comfortable, it’s flattering, it breathes well. The items I have (V neck tees, capris, shorts and sweatshirt, all in grey or black) aren’t flashy, but I keep them in very heavy rotation. Which means that they’re washed and worn constantly, and after a year are still in great shape.

At this point, I’m excited about clearing my phone of pics, so you get all the Hylete photos whether they’re flattering or not.

Left: Hylete tee & socks; middle are tees; right is capris

Hylete is doing all sorts of deals in its gift guide and UPS ground shipping is free until December 1st.

Lorna Jane

Lorna Jane is for when I need to be out & about before or after the gym and want to look nice. Or, when I am really racing the clock and reach for an all-in-one tank + bra.

I also love their standalone sports bras. They are pretty much my go-to when I’m not at the box. I talk more about my love of LJ in this post.

 Lorna Jane blue top and compression tights; hooded black tank on right.

Lorna Jane is doing 30% off when you buy 3 or more items with code BLACKFRIDAY30 or 20% off when you buy 2 items with code BLACKFRIDAY20. It looks like you also get free shipping when you spend over $80.

Have fun shopping 🙂

I signed up for a 30 day paleo challenge at our CrossFit box. My normal diet is, overall, pretty good, but I figured I could stand to be disciplined for a month and see how it changed my energy levels and strength/endurance during workouts.

It was also a nudge to limit drinking to the weekends, and even then I’m sticking with wine.

Food rules for our paleo challenge:

YES: all lean meat, fish, seafood & eggs; all non-starchy seasonal vegetables; seasonal fruit

In moderation: healthy fats, nuts and seeds

NO: grains or cereals at all; legumes; dairy; processed foods; sugars or artificial sweeteners

Alcohol is allowed but at a minimum amount.

Scoring:

• Clean week: 5 points per week. One unauthorized cheat meal: 3 points. More than one unauthorized cheat meal: 0 points for the week.
• We completed a test WOD which we will do again at the end; ostensibly to illustrate a proper diet improves overall performance. If we do better the second time around, 5 points. I’m actually a little concerned because I don’t think I could have done this any faster than I did (5:29).

• Bringing a friend to “Bring a Friend Fridays” earns 3 more points (wanna go?)
• If we post a pic on social media in Riverfront gear and hashtag #TheRiv #CfRiverfront we earn 3 easy points.

I pretty much live in Riv gear.

• Participating in Crossfit Riverfront get togethers or events earns 5 points and a coach-approved cheat meal.

At the end of the day, the scoring isn’t such a big deal; I have no idea where we stand compared to other teams. But you betcha I’ve been going and doing the challenge WODs to earn my cheat meals. They’ve been doozies, too. (The workouts, not the meals.)

One guy did the humans vs. zombies Halloween WOD in acid washed tight ass jeans. Respect. I haz it.

So far, I really miss cheese. Like, a lot. But I’m vaguely lactose intolerant, and frankly, I can feel the difference, not eating the cheese. I don’t get that icky-full feeling after meals. Depending on who you read, some iterations of the paleo diet allow some dairy, and I’ll probably add it back in after the challenge is over, but not at the quantities I used to eat it.

The first day of the paleo challenge was hard, simply because I didn’t prepare. Egg breakfast, OK, but no cheese on top? I had to make some ketchup from scratch because I can’t just eat eggs plain. And then, I had like no time for lunch but nothing quick to grab. I spent the night boiling eggs and chopping veggies and the rest of the week went much more easily.

The family is eating normally for the most part; what we’ve primarily done is simplified our meals, forego the very cheesy dishes and quick processed foods (we never ate a lot of those anyway), and some easy substitutions (coconut oil for butter or olive oil when sautéeing, coconut flour for regular flour, etc). Sauces and cheese is available for them on the side. I eat eggs and fruit for breakfast and leftovers or salad for lunch, for snacks I have hard boiled eggs, raw vegetables, honeycrisp apples or bananas.

Sample lunch. Salad, honeycrisp sliced thin, egg salad made with avocado rather than mayo.

One of our skill sessions this week was a 2K row. I took it nice and easy and didn’t have to stop at all— that’s unheard of for me— finishing in 9:06. In June, I was pretty proud of my 9:49.

Maverick and I came in first by a solid 30 seconds for this week’s paleo challenge (partner) WOD, at least for our timeslot (those 5:15 am people are a different breed and their scores were like a full minute faster). Given that I spent the early part of the week sidelined by a stomach bug, I’m feeling pretty smug about it.

The warmup was 50 burpees for time; I did it in 3:42 but can’t find my time from the last time I did it. I’m pretty sure it was a little over 4 minutes; the time before that was just under 5 minutes, pretty soon after we had started taking classes. I only mention it so I know for next time 😛

The workout was 50 kettlebell swings (we used 25s), 50 goblet squats (dropped to 20 and even so am feeling those today), 50 box jumps (I have to do mostly stepups because of my knees), 50 situps and 50 one-arm thrusters (we held on to the 25s for these).

The “partner” element was just that I had to wait for Mav to finish his 50 of any move before we could move on to the next one. He was only a few seconds behind each time, and I gave him some grief about a water break (“c’mon! You can’t drink water and jump on the box at the same time?!”) but I was pretty damn proud of the kid.

How’s that for an awkward photo?
I was trying to save Heather from having to touch my sweaty back.

Anyway, I’m curious to see how I’ll feel when I add dairy and grains back in at the end of 30 days; maybe I’ll decide it’s in my best interests to limit them.

But not pumpkin pie. I plan to eat my weight in pumpkin pie in two weeks’ time.

Paleo challenge eats so far:

• Paleo pumpkin bread
• Pot roast and baked potatoes (sweet potatoes for me). Simplest meal ever, lots of leftovers.
• Steak kabobs with peppers, onion and grape tomatoes.
• Roasted chicken: basted in coconut oil, rosemary, garlic and lime juice.
• Fire roasted bacon meatloaf with roasted asparagus
• Pan fried steaks. They had rice, I had leftover sweet potato.
• Pork tenderloin with sautéed spinach
• Slow cooker BBQ chicken breasts and thighs (we made this BBQ sauce; it tasted like a great pulled pork sauce. It needed something to make it more BBQ. Like something to make it smoky?) with roasted garlic broccoli. I ate a whole tray of broccoli and I felt no shame.
• Stuffed peppers. We doubled the recipe, using both ground bison and venison sausage. It was pretty fantastic.
• Breakfast for dinner. Eggs, bacon, whatever fruit and veg we had sitting around. We did this once each week.
• and a couple of nights of “there’s a fridge full of leftovers, go eat something.”
• I made ketchup, mustard and Worchestershire from this post’s paleo condiment recipes.
• Most of those nights had some sort of salad involved.

My earned Halloween cheat was broccoli bites; this week we went to IHOP for Jake’s birthday and I had some crepes and a cheesesteak. And then I slept for 13 hours. That’s not related but it’s such a rarity I just want it on record.

I feel good. I’m sleeping better. I’ve had to miss a fair number of workouts since we started thanks to my work schedule, illness and having to shuttle Jake around to doctor’s appointments for his dislocated shoulder, but I feel like I’ve given my full effort each time— no having to take breaks because I was too tired, too fast. I think ahead about snacks and have healthy ones, rather than grabbing something to eat in the car on the way to class. And I’m definitely eating more than I used to, which is a good thing. I’m very guilty of being a meal skipper and then eating anything in my way.

So, two weeks in, paleo challenge verdict: not too hard, feeling good. Down 11 pounds, but take that with a grain of salt since I was sick for a couple of days.

Let’s see how I feel at the end of the month 🙂

Ever done a paleo/ Whole 30 challenge?

So, to back it up a bit: I ran Spartan Race Citizens Bank Park in Philly on a Saturday… and then the Delaware Mud Run at Frightland the next day.

I ran as part of a team with three women from my CrossFit box (two Laurens and a Heather) and I’m glad I did, but man, getting out of bed in the morning was not a happy time. There was some rending of clothes and gnashing of teeth and wailing of WHAT WAS I THINKING.

My left calf was super tight— I’m guessing it was running all those stairs— and all the aggressive tennis-balling in the world couldn’t get it to loosen up. (Based on how I felt on Monday, I’m going to say it was actually my ankle that was messed up and the tightness in my calf was a result of that stiffness.)

100% of proceeds from the Delaware Mud Run benefit the Leukemia Research Foundation of Delaware, so if you’ve never run I’d say please plan on it for next year! Here’s the lowdown so you can prepare.

Or, if you’re not local: here’s a bunch of pictures of me looking dumb. Enjoy!

Photo? Oh, let me look over here for a sec. These ladies kick my ass in group photo posing.

The run:

There’s a fair amount of running, unlike Spartan where the running is well broken up by the obstacles. Here, the obstacles tended to be grouped together, especially at the end.

The running is all hard packed mud/grass and trails, a good deal of it hilly, and it did not do wonders for my ouchy calf/ankle. It did not help that volunteers told us on at least five different occasions that we were halfway there. There is a special place in hell for people that do that.

The scenery:

Pretty awesome, actually. Cornfields and the backdrop of Frightland (I’m guessing. I’ve never been.) There was a lot of cool stuff to look at, which is always a bonus when you’re a runner that hates running.

The obstacles:

Comparatively easy, mostly climbing over big mounds of dirt or using a rope to get up the side of one. Some crawlthroughs and crawl unders that were rough on the knees, a net wall and a couple 6 foot walls. There were a couple obstacles that were more mentally difficult than physically: walking across a log over water (a log that I would run across if it were on the ground, but I cautiously inched across because I was afraid of falling in), tightroping over water.

The worst one by far in my opinion was a rope swing where you had no choice but to let go and land in the water. My own fear of water aside, people were showboating— which is fine— but they weren’t watching their timing, so they were totally landing right on top of other people. I did the most pansy-ass swing imaginable so I wouldn’t get totally soaked (this was pretty early in the run) and got out of there as fast as I could.

My favorite was a slide into an ice bath, which totally woke my legs up. Right after we cleared it, we watched a dump truck unload tons more ice— it’s entirely possible I would have felt differently going in at that point.

photo credit Lauren’s mom

 photo credit Lauren’s mom

The mud:

At this point I’ve done my fair share of mud runs, and this was one of the muddiest; as in, the whole dang course was muddy. And as Kelly (who ran with a different team) said, it smelled like a whole different kind of mud. We had a soaking rain a couple days before and I guess they wet it some more the day before, but in any case it was stinky. And we were one of the first waves on a relatively cool, overcast morning; I can’t imagine high noon in the hot sun! Not telling you as a deterrent, mind you, just letting you know so you’re mentally prepared.

 photo credit Lauren’s mom

photo credit Lauren’s mom
Clearly, I didn’t want any of that getting in my mouth.

photo credit Lauren’s mom

The cleanup:

Fairly standard mud run “showers”— plenty of hoses. I’ve been to some where they ran out of water or the water pressure on the hoses was near nil but that wasn’t a problem here. The mud came off surprisingly well, but you’re still going to want to bring a change of clothes (there were little popup changing stations for a bit of privacy which was nice), bags for your wet/dirty stuff, and a towel to sit on for the ride home.

There was a potential creeper taking photos of the hoseoff area with a zoom lens that Heather was giving the skunk eye, so it was pretty funny to find Lauren’s mom had also taken some pics of us in the showers 🙂

The verdict:

A great first obstacle course race or even first 5k, and a good choice for breaking out those costumes. Some mental hurdles for those who can’t swim or have a fear of water, but definitely doable.

You can run individually or as part of a team of four. Teams have to finish together to have their time count, so if you run with a team choose people that are at about your level physically or won’t mind waiting for you (or vice versa). I was our team’s weakest link for sure.

Although the day is child-friendly (and spectators are free, there’s just a $5/car parking fee), the race is for ages 14 and up. Delaware Mud Run Jr (1.5 miles for kids ages 6-13) happens in June.

Excellent people watching. Bring money for the after-festival; Heather and I refueled with some pumpkin beer and funnel cakes. Mmmm. Breakfast of champions.

It’s fun and you should sign up next year.

 Seriously, these girls have got group shots down pat, especially #411 Heather there in the middle.
Me, not so much.

But I’m looking at the camera in this one!

The next day:

I didn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought I would after Spartan on Saturday, and a race the next day that was a whole lot more running than I was used to. (And there was none of that funny business during either race with my foot going numb!)

My left ankle was swollen, either from my failed rope climb or too many stairs: it didn’t hurt but I wasn’t getting full range of motion for sure. I was walking like I had a peg leg, but I still went to my RivFit class. No rest for the wicked 🙂

I wouldn’t say I’ve caught the running bug again, but I have a whole lot more running to do over the next 6 weeks. That I signed up for. Voluntarily. Like I’m a runner or something.

WHAT WAS I THINKING.

I’m not an athlete, I just play one on the internet.

Wish me luck.

Spartan Race is like childbirth.

I was so focused on being prepared and the afterglow of accomplishment, that I’d kind of blocked out how much it really sucks while you’re in the moment. And the day after.

Just like childbirth. Just like every CrossFit Riverfront class I walk into.

But that’s good, right? That’s the brain’s way of making sure you want to come back and do it again, in spite of the fear/pain.

Except….

This time I also agreed to join a team with some friends from the Riv for the Delaware Mud Run. Like, I didn’t fight it at all.

That was on a SUNDAY.

As in the day after Spartan Race Philadelphia at Citizen’s Bank Park, 2014.

WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING?

Clearly I wasn’t.

So. This is how it went down.

Preparation training, or lack thereof:

No run training other than the running we do as part of our WODs. More idiocy.

In July I was reliably going to 6 WODs a week. Then I went to the beach for 10 days, then I got completely buried in work for about two weeks. That three-week stretch put me way back— I was shocked really by how much my strength and endurance had been affected.

Kelly and me and Tracy looking totally adorbs 

How it played out:

Last year I missed 4 obstacles, taking the 30 burpee penalty: monkeybars, rope climb, spear throw, and traverse wall (you can read all about the obstacles, my experience last year and general Spartan tips in my Spartan Race Citizens Bank Park 2013 recap).

So this year’s goal was just: do less than 120 burpees.

Jeff made me a practice spear to throw like 2 days before the race; I basically practiced by flashlight the night before. He and the boys got pretty good at spear throwing… I hit the target the first couple of times and got steadily worse after that. I missed, but not by much at all. Result: 30 burpees

The monkeybars were just as ridiculous as I remembered. The bars are way thick in diameter and far apart. I made it to the 2nd bar, starting swinging to the 3rd, came to the conclusion that there was no way I’d make it to the end and dropped to save my arms & shoulders for the rope climb. Result: 30 burpees.

Traverse wall (long horizontal rock climbing type wall): I did a LOT better on this than I did last year, but still slid off before the end. Result: 30 burpees.

I asked for some help with the rope the week before the race— more on that below. Rope climb was higher than I remembered. The landing not as soft as I remembered. The people climbing on either side closer than I remembered. I got maybe halfway up and then couldn’t figure out how to get a grip on the rope with my feet when I was also dealing with the knots tied in it. And then I just got spooked and came back down. Seeing pics afterward, I’m pretty mad at myself about this one. I feel like if I’d had someone barking at me to move my ass, like my coach or my husband, I’d probably have made it. But left alone with the voice in my head saying “30 burpees isn’t such a big deal” and then reopening my rope burn wounds from earlier in the week— I copped out 🙁 Result: 30 burpees.

So, I still got penalized 120 burpees. But other than the rope business— and make no mistake, I will get up that rope and ring that bell next year— I’m pretty happy with this year’s race.

Why? Because progress:

1. At no point did I feel like I was going to die. I didn’t have a moment where I seriously questioned my sanity about paying cash money to torture myself this way. I felt pretty good the whole time, I just couldn’t do what I couldn’t do.
2. I wasn’t completely spent and broken at the end of the race. I looked shockingly happy, in fact, as you can see in the above photo.
3. I ran most of it. And most of the running was stairs and seats.
4. I did better at the rope climb (I couldn’t even get off the ground really last year) and the traverse wall (my grip strength is much improved).
5. I totally got up and did a 5k trail mud & obstacle run with a smile on my face the next day.
6. I met some fun new people, found some people from last year’s run, and our friend Tracy joined our team last minute. He killed it and I think has caught the OCR bug now too.

 Tracy

We found Andrea, who ran with us last year, in our corral at start time 

The gladiators with their oversized battle Q-tips were gone this time around, as well as the “500m row in 2 minutes” obstacle, which I was VERY bummed out about since that was one thing I knew full well I could do. The heavy jump rope made up for it though; this year we had to put a thick rubber band around our ankles before doing our 30 (40?) jumps. Lots of guys were saying it was tough but I aced that one thanks to my time with the Muscle Rope.

The “Herc Hoist” (pulley rope lift) was a big sandbag rather than concrete block, and I struggled with it a bit. It felt heavier and it took me a minute to figure out how to angle the rope and my body to get the most lift.

More about learning rope climb technique:

I did take some initiative here and asked one of my coaches to show me how to do the climb the week before the race. He demonstrated the “fast climb” movement from this video that I love but called it “Captain Morgan, pee-pee dance.” Basically, your knee goes high on the outside of the rope (Captain Morgan) and the rope goes on top of your foot, then you use your other foot to wrap the rope around and clamp down (pee-pee dance) to create a step.

After 10 minutes or so I got the hang of it I suppose, but it was definitely a whole different ballgame at the race. I got hung up on how to navigate past the knots, we don’t have those in the ropes at the box.

And in the end I just got scared. I need more practice before next year.

Quick rope climbing tips:

• It’s a good idea to find out how to get down before you go up. Trust me.
• Start by jumping.
• Wear high socks and take your time coming back down, unless you’re looking to show off your war wounds.
• The Nano 4.0s Reebok sent me have “RopePro protection wrap” and yes, I believe they do a lot to help foot grip and save your shoes.
• I’d advise practicing the coming back down. Even if you don’t have a rope at home or if you have the technique down, go lower yourself down the fireman’s pole off the slide at your local playground to make sure you have those muscles built. My arms KILLED the next day AND the day after that, and I’m pretty sure it was from the lowering motion; using muscles that I don’t normally.

Now let’s take a moment to admire my Nano 4.0s. They so pretty.

All right, that’s it. I loved it, I can’t wait for next year, and I resolve to do better.

Tomorrow I’ll recap the Delaware Mud Run.

Then I’ll let you know what ridiculous, totally-out-of-our-league nonsense Kelly and I are up to next.

You’d think we were athletes or something. We just play them on the internet 🙂

There’s something so thrilling about signing up for an event that last year you just weren’t ready for.

In 2012 I (through my job at FitFluential) worked with the Men’s Health team on a Twitter chat promoting their urban obstacle course race series, the Urbanathlon. I thought it sounded like SO MUCH FUN when I was researching for the chat, but was pretty sure I couldn’t handle the 9.5-11 mile distance separating the awesome obstacles. At that time, they offered a relay option for teams of three, but I didn’t know two other people that would run it with me.

How times have changed! In two years I’ve made lots of friends who’d be willing to trek to NYC and take on the urban playground. And the Urbanathlon now offers a new sprint distance in addition to their classic distance.

I’m thinking you can guess what happens next.

Yep.

As part of a FitFluential campaign (have I mentioned lately that I love my job?) Kelly and I, in our normal “I’m not really an athlete, I just play one on the internet” fashion are headed to Citi Field on October 25th to hurdle barricades and taxicabs, run lots of stadium stairs and climb over buses in the Men’s Health Urbanathlon. They’re providing me with a comped registration so I was left with no excuses 🙂

We’re going to nudge our running friends who don’t really OCR and our CrossFit Riverfront boxmates who don’t really run to join us, and you should too! The obstacles look challenging but easily doable (no monkeybars, WOOT WOOT since I still can’t really do them) and the sprint distance is totally manageable.

So here’s the 411 on the Urbanathlon:

• 3 dates, 3 cities: 10/18 Soldier Field in Chicago, 10/25 Citi Field in NYC, 11/23 AT&T Park in San Francisco
• Classic distance is 10-12 miles, 14 obstacles; sprint is 3-5 miles, 7 obstacles. NYC is 4.5 miles.
• Women are welcome! Participants must be ages 18 and up though.
• Post race festival features DJ sets, food and drink, and tons of swag from sponsors to demo, sample and take home.
• Save 20% off registration with code FIT.

Signing up for lots of scary things this October… I have at least 2 more to tell you about. What are you up to?

Memorial Day and the unofficial kickoff to summer are four weeks from today. Which means every magazine and online advertising property geared toward women is running some near-hysterics version of OMG ARE YOU READY TO INFLICT YOUR BIKINI CLAD BOD ON AN UNSUSPECTING POPULATION?

That’s how marketing works. It creates the need in your mind, and then rushes to help you fill it. With juice cleanses, and bootcamps, and slimming panels, and magazine articles.

Lately, I’ve been seeing more sensible women posting a two-step program to a bikini body. It goes like this:

Step One. Buy a bikini.

Step Two. Put it on your body.

I like and applaud that approach, but it’s still not addressing the real problem, which is: people want to feel unself-conscious in a bathing suit (bikini or no). They want to feel that they will not be judged.

Here’s the thing.

Everybody gets judged in a bathing suit.

You get judged for being too heavy. Too skinny. Too old for the style you’re wearing. For being so lame as to wear whatever the hot style is right now. For not having style, period.

People will judge if you’re wearing a bathing suit clearly meant to hide as much of your body as possibly. They’ll also judge you if they suspect that you’re actually proud of your body, and accuse you of trying to flaunt it.

Here’s my one step program to get you bikini ready by Memorial Day:

Stop caring what other people think. Your body is none of their damn business.

The truth is, the vast majority of people will not judge. They’re too busy posturing for other people, or playing with their kids, or enjoying the sunshine, or worrying about how they look in their own bathing suits.

Some will think snide things, sure. But much like how your body is none of their business, the kneejerk reactions that occur in their brains are really none of yours.

Let it go.

Very rarely, some jerk might actually go so far as to voice that kneejerk thought out loud. This is a reflection on them and their poor manners, not on you, and here’s what I want it to mean to you. I want you to hear it and think, wow. Your opinion means jack to me. I don’t even know you, dude.

I want you to laugh delightedly. And I want you to say, THANK YOU, with a slight lilt of surprise, as if they had just complimented a new haircut that you secretly love or a pair of awesome shoes that make you walk the goddess walk.

Because they have just driven home to you the reminder that your opinion of your body is what matters.

Then turn and walk away and go on with your life. Let it go.

Practice it in a mirror. Imagine it in your mind. (Actually getting to use it is like the best feeling ever. I’ve been there.)

It leaves the ill-mannered buffoon in question confused, feeling as if they’ve said something wrong (which clearly, they have).

VERY rarely, you’ll get a guy who pulls it together in time and manages to hurl a followup at your back. Throw him a smile over your shoulder, if you feel like it. All he’s done is let everyone else within earshot know what an ass he is and what a poor job his parents did raising him.

Worrying about how others perceive your personal appearance gives them power over you they do not deserve. That they have not earned.

(Worrying about your health is a different story. That’s between you and you, and you know it.)

So go ahead and rock that bathing suit. Or don’t; that’s fine too. Again, the bathing suit is just something we’re marketed; unless you’re planning to go for an epic swim for time, something else would work just as well. Wear a sundress, if you really want. Whatever makes you feel comfortable and good. Whatever won’t get in your way so you can have a good time. Wear it with confidence and a smile, the best accessories a girl can have. (Fun shoes are nice too though.)

It might take some practice, getting used to the idea that your perception of your own beauty is what matters. Luckily, you’ve got four weeks to get it down pat.

Don’t measure your worth, your happiness, your attractiveness, your confidence, your self-discipline, your anything by how you look in a two-piece. Seriously, when you stop to think about it, how dumb is that anyway? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

And for god’s sake stop clicking on bikini-ready ab workouts and buying magazines that scream “Lose 10 pounds by Memorial Day.”

Stop feeding the marketing machine and maybe we won’t have to go through this nonsense next year.

Maybe, if they never see us worrying about it, our daughters won’t have to go through it at all.