I hear it a lot.

People counseling each other not to compare. Not to worry about being good enough.

“If you run, you’re a runner.”

OK, well, I run. And it’s frustrating, because I really have not grown to love running, have never felt that “runner’s high.”

My brother told me that I was looking for something more dramatic than it is. “You know, that feeling you get sometimes when you feel like you could keep going forever.”

Yeah, I’ve never had that either.

I don’t hate every run, but I do feel that I fight for every mile. I like stopping.

I like what running does for my body. I like being a good example for my kids. I like feeling faster, stronger.

And lately, that’s the real issue. I’m as slow as I’ve ever been, as slow as when I first started after years of inactivity. It seems like all the work I’ve been doing for the last 18 months was for nothing.

Wait, don’t pounce yet. Hear me out.

Love this photo. Postrun and I look miserable.

I read recently— it kills me that I can’t find the article to link to— that you have to be careful not to cross an imaginary line when you start training for a triathlon. For most runners, the swim will be the weak point. I bitch and moan every week in swim class because my legs sink in the water and throw off my plane; my instructors tell me that’s normal for runners. Different muscles, legs are more dense than your top.

The article warned against putting in too many training hours to perfect your swimming technique, against crossing that imaginary line. From runner to triathlete. From crosstraining to something more.

Because if you’re primarily a runner, if you want running to be your strongest point, you should be running.

Makes sense, right? If you’re a runner, you run. You find the time. You train with running in mind. You swim to be a better runner, as opposed to taking time from your running to be a better swimmer.

Priorities.

I’ve given it some thought and I don’t think I’m willing to give all those hours to running after all.

I’ll still run.

I’ll still plan to do a half in the fall, and some shorter races beforehand. But I’ll just be running. Not racing. Not obsessing over numbers. Not beating myself up for not improving in some quantifiable way.

I’m letting the times go, just focusing on the miles.

But I’m loving trying new classes too much to let them all go. I love my yoga. I love finding time to do physical activities with my kids. And I’ll admit, I love seeing improvement week after week in swim class.

Priorities.

I’m prioritizing enjoying my fitness activities, and trusting that will yield the best results. Science is totally backing me up on this.

I love awkward photos.

I love snuggling with puppies and Instagramming disgustingly sweaty pics post-RivFit.

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

—Robert Heinlein

Specialization is for insects. And for specialists, I suppose.

But right now it’s not for me. Right now I’m all about being well-rounded, about being flexible, about having fun with my fitness, about trying new things, about enjoying being a jack of all trades and master of none. I think it’s my best way to model a healthy lifestyle for my kids.

The fitness world loves to say #NoExcuses, and maybe I am just making excuses.

I’m saying, well, I guess I’m saying #SometimesExcuses.

And if anyone wants to judge me for that, well. 🙂

Honey Badger Mom don’t care.

Not that you’ve asked, but I’m a sweaty beast. I don’t know when it happened. When I was younger, I never sweated. Like never, no matter how hot it was or what I was doing.

Then when I started exercising in earnest about 18 months ago I learned things have changed. Maybe it’s a slower metabolism or differing hormones or advanced age or a combination of factors, but now I sweat like it’s going out of style. At my RivFit class this week I apologized to the girl doing box jumps next to me because I was pretty sure droplets of sweat were flinging off the ends of my pigtails. I could actually feel sweat pooling on my eyelids.

My children recoil and run away when I come home after a run or workout. I am slick with sweat. I am disgusting. I find it strangely fascinating and hugely satisfying.

Anyway, with the new sweatiness I’ve developed a definite preference for tech fabrics and for certain cuts of bottoms (I’ll cover that another time; for now suffice it to say I really hate the feel of sweat rolling down my legs under pants). There is nothing worse than walking around in a shirt soppy in cold sweat.

If you follow me on Instagram or FB you’ve seen this shirt YMX by Yellowman sent me. A lot. I’ve worn it to kickboxing, RivFit, yoga, the gym and running. And to dinner. And the beach.

It’s the Black Living Peony Tank. It’s in my top 5 most worn tops right now for a lot of reasons, but first I want to give you a bit of background about the design.

YMX apparel is collectible, wearable tattoo art. The company founder traveled the globe tracking down and building up a library of tattoo art spanning Japanese Irezumi, Maori Tribal, American Traditional, New School, Biomechanical, even rare work from a remote Buddhist monk in Thailand. Why? Tattoos are universal yet culturally symbolic. They cross cultural borders and attitudes. If you’re inked, you get it. Tattoos have meaning and they bring people together.

YellowMan founder, Peter Mui, started the concept of YellowMan under that premise that skin color should never be a barrier against social status. He should know. Chinese blood, and Oklahoma native, his identity breaks all the usual cultural stereotypes. He’s true to all dimensions of his identity, proudly exuding his Chinese heritage on one side and down-home country singer on the other. Tall, broad-shouldered, and overflowing with confidence, Peter Mui can not be packaged into any preconceived category.

And so it is that he thumbs his nose on the derogatory label “Yellow,” and instead declares it a badge of integrity and pride for those who dare to be different.

Speaking as someone who has similarly reclaimed “derogatory” ethnic labels (I like to answer the inevitable “what are you?” with “Oriental- like the rug”) I can’t even tell you how much I love this, and it’s pretty much enough to make me a brand loyalist all on its own.

But BONUS! DOUBLE PRIZES! this gear is high quality stuff, folks.

• Most notably, it is light and sweat wicking like nobody’s business. The design also helps mask all that sweat so people passing by on the street aren’t horrified by what a slimy mess you are.
• The sweat evaporates quickly. It also dries quickly out of the wash.
• It’s got SPF 30+ UV protection built in.
• It’s soft and comfortable.
• The fabric has a slight sheen that makes it look dressy, as does the detailing around the neck.
• It’s hard wearing, having gone through the wash umpteen times it still looks like new.
• Available for men and in plus sizes, unlike a lot of fitness apparel companies.
• It doesn’t wrinkle. At all. This makes it particularly nice for traveling, as it doesn’t make you look like a slob (some people would say “doesn’t require ironing” but let’s be real folks, I haven’t ironed since I stopped working at Small’s Formal Wear in 1996), takes up like NO suitcase space and does double duty as workout or everyday wear.

YMX also sent me a long sleeve top, the Elemental Earth in pink. I don’t have many pics of this one as a) I generally prefer tank tops even in cold weather and b) when I did wear it to run, I wore it as a base layer which isn’t very interesting to photograph. As a base layer it’s ideal, both for the sweat wicking and because it’s so light you don’t even notice it’s there.

The tech fabric is temperature regulating, which means that it’ll stay cool if I wear it over a sports bra for early morning beach runs (which I intend to, so as to avoid tan lines), but also that it kept me warm and toasty when I wore it under a hoodie for winter runs.

This outfit is a good example of one you can get away with all day and then wear for a run. Just change your shoes. Or rock your sneaks all day if you’re so inclined. (Running skirt is Palm Beach Athletic Wear.)

It’s worth noting that both the sleeveless and long sleeve styles are cut close with a ton of stretch. What that means is that there’s no peekaboo cleavage issues, and my biceps look kind of awesome in the clingy long sleeve. While I usually freak about “grabby” clothes, I don’t mind these at all because they’re so soft & stretchy and there’s no issues with seams (I just checked to see if they had seams. They do, but I honestly didn’t know, so there you go). You CAN see bra lines and pant waist lines, I’m used to that but if you have issues size up.

Are they big box cheap? Nope, and they’re not disposable big box quality either. These are built to last through all seasons and are appropriate for a variety of sports. (The sun protection is a valuable added value.) You can also wear them as badass casual wear.

As I say, quality is the new sustainable, and I think these are excellent investment pieces. The trick is just to find the design that speaks to you and you’ll get the most wear out of.

I think they did a good job picking out prints for me but it was still easy to find more faves:

Join us on Twitter tonight for a chat with YMX by Yellowman and you’ll have a chance to win your own top! Hashtag is #lifeartsport, chat takes place at 9EST, and I’ll be tweeting from the @FitFluential account.

Tell me if you see a design you like.

Tell me if you have a tattoo. Or are planning on one.

Tell me if you find strange satisfaction in rivers of sweat.

I am a fashion person, and fashion is not only about clothes— it’s about all kinds of change.

― Karl Lagerfeld

I’m super picky about clothes.

I need them to fit fairly closely, but not so close that I feel constricted or that I am aware of the seams.

I need them to fall under a certain aesthetic.

I really like not-so-basic black; classic styles with little tweaks that make them interesting or stand out.

I like to look good and be comfy.

And with fitness clothing, I need it to be performance-based, super wicking (I am a very sweaty person) and a good value for the money.

Lorna Jane Active sent me some pieces to try out and review, and dang if they don’t hit every one of those points and then some.

Lorna Jane makes me feel like a ninja.

The sports bra is plenty supportive for a small-chested gal like me, with enough padding to create a bit of cleavage (! I have NEVER EVER had cleavage) but not so much padding that I feel like I’m living a lie.

I’ve been wearing this bra pretty much all the time. I love it. I wear it with dresses, everyday clothes, running, to RivFit classes, for yoga, you name it.

It has an adjustable Y-back that I really like and don’t mind flaunting under my boatneck tops.

This top has a sheer panel across the front and the back that really lets you show off your interesting sports bras of varying colors (but I’m so hooked on the LJ bra that that’s what you get photographed here). The fabric is stretchy and soft and has a sheen that masks the fact that it’s athletic wear. I wore it to lunch at a nice-ish restaurant today. It’s definitely in the rotation of my fave 3 or 4 fave long sleeve tops.

Best part is the fact that it has thumbholes— I love me some thumbholes. But while some thumbhole tops cut into my hands because I guess I have long arms, this one has both enough length and enough stretch that I rock the thumbhole all day long in comfort.

The pants pictured are compression tights and they are SERIOUS BUSINESS. There are actual compression panels that really hold you in. I look svelte, no? Like a dang ninja.

They are somewhat of a struggle to get into, much like my ProCompression socks. I don’t recommend putting them on in the line of vision of someone you’re trying to woo. But once on they’re very comfy, no sausage casing effect.

I wore them running on a fairly hot day (along with the LJ bra) and they both did great, no rubbing or chafing, although I was a little warm in the compression tights. I bet these will be good all through the winter.

Lastly, a top that combines my two favorite articles of clothing, the black tank top and the hoodie.

There’s a little pocket above the Lorna Jane logo there.

Another slimcut top that breathes and wicks sweat but looks totally stylish.

I wore it with a coral Reebok tank underneath and a running skirt to a Fitness Magazine event in NYC. And I love that you wouldn’t necessarily suspect that I was planning to workout in this outfit. Talk about sweat to street!

Bottom line: I’ve been pretty much living in these clothes since I received them. They are the types of things I would wear anyway first, and premium activewear to boot. Making them pretty much my ideal staple wardrobe pieces.

As a result they’ve also been laundered a ridiculous number of times in the past few weeks, and they still look brand new. Value for your dollar; endurable = sustainable.

And then there’s the fact that Lorna Jane is a really awesome company built on the determination and vision of one woman— Lorna Jane herself— and a truly inspiring company mission to MOVE- NOURISH- BELIEVE.

I selected black ninja garb because that’s what fits MY fashion sensibility and I wanted clothes I’d honestly wear again and again. But the selection at Lorna Jane runs the gamut, from currently on trend to more classic styling, from bright neons to more neutral colors. Mix and match as you feel comfortable in, but shop confident that the fit will be flattering and the cut will be comfortable.

Check it out and join us (I’ll be tweeting from the @FitFluential account) for a #LIVEACTIVE chat with Lorna Jane on Twitter tonight at 9EST! We’ll be talking about what it means to live an active, beautiful life and one person will win a $150 gift card.

 
Want to check out the specific styles I’m wearing? Links under the Polyvore board below.

As part of my decision to LEAP this year, I’ve been trying new things. Things that scare me.

It started with overcoming a fear of the water and learning to swim. And then almost immediately deciding on doing a sprint triathlon in 2014, to make sure I don’t stop or give up— giving myself the out of “good enough.”

The next seemingly obvious step was to commit to the idea of a half marathon. Unfortunately, the one I wanted to run (Delaware Half) sold out before I had my $ together, so that’s on hold for the fall.

Then I roped Kelly into signing up for kickboxing classes with me. Those were tough for the first couple of classes, but by the end we had figured out the choreography and were actually looking forward to it.

Our next fitness adventure was 10 RivFit classes at CrossFit Riverfront, bought through Groupon. These are described as “perfect for the non-athlete or beginner athlete looking shed weight and body fat,” and although I was nervous about going, I figured I was beyond beginner athlete. I run. I swim. I hit the gym. I do pushups and pullups at home. I’d been kicking box.

Holy hell.

I want to get my thoughts on these first classes down before I get in too deep, so we can all see the progress. Or lack thereof. 🙂

SO, to start, I was late to the first class. I checked in and was pointed to where the RivFit class happens. The area was empty— everyone had already just started on the first bit of the warmup, which was a 200 meter run. I put my water bottle down and tried to follow what everyone else was doing.

First class.

Warmup. 3 rounds:

200meter run
10 pushups
10 air squats
10 situps

Not too bad. Not sure how many pushups I’d be doing within the hour, I wussed and did girly pushups.

Guess what? No girly pushups in RivFit. F*ck.

The workout, as best as I can remember with Kelly’s help, was:

400 meter run
30 pushups
40 turkish twists
50 squats w/ medicine ball
60 burpees
50 lunges w/ medicine ball
40 kettle bell swings
30 situps
200 meter run
30min limit.

When it was revealed Kelly looked over at me and said, “What did you get us into?” and all I could do was shake my head. As I was still winded from the warmup.

I pretty much felt like dying, but I’ll be damned if I wasn’t going to keep up with the 20-somethings in the class (I came in 6th or 7th, I think). Afterwards I sat outside with Kelly, in theory to wait out rush hour traffic, but actually having a sort of out-of-body experience where I talked her ear off about who knows what. I don’t remember anything about that conversation.

I also had a ridic allergy attack from sucking wind, I guess, and was sneezing every 15 seconds or so. It was a fun ride home.

The next day I was walking all bowlegged. I was fine if sitting or standing, but getting up was an ordeal. At one point Cass knocked something off the bathroom counter, and I told her in all seriousness that there was no possible way I was getting down there to pick it up.

Ohmigod I did not want to go to my second class. I didn’t dread giving birth to Cass anywhere near as much (and that’s after two natural births, the first involving tearing and the second involving a 9.5lb baby with notably broad shoulders. TMI? Perhaps, but now you have perspective.)

Luckily I had Kelly meeting me and the implied guilt if failing to do so; I really don’t know if I would have gone without her.

Second class.

Warmup involved some running, squats and kettlebell swings, I don’t recall exactly. Thankfully no running in the workout as it was hot as hades.

Workout, give or take (I really suck at remembering these, I blame short term memory loss due to oxygen deprivation):

10 jumping jacks
20 mountain climbers
30 burpees
40 box jumps
50 air squats
40 pushups
30 kettlebell swings
20 tricep dips
10 lunges
200x single unders (or 100 double unders)
Time limit 25minutes.

The sad thing is, I looked at that board and thought, that’s doable. Only 30 burpees. 40 pushups = 2 sets of 20, I can do that.

I hadn’t really considered how much it sucks to do pushups after burpees. I got into a groove jumping the rope along to the beat of the Katy Perry song playing, even managing the occasional double under, but once the song was over I lost focus and coordination and could only do maybe 5 jumps at a time for the 35 or so I had left.

Also? The counting is in some ways the hardest part, when all you want to do is stop.

This one took me 18:45 and knocked me flat on my back for a couple of minutes once I was done.

Third class.

Warm up was as a seemingly random series of moves: front and back lunges, crab walk, squat walk, sit ups, and so forth, not horribly taxing.

Workout:

25 burpees
10 wall balls
10 kettle bell swings

You had 4 minutes to do the burpees and as many sets of the wall balls and kettlebell swings as possible; each completed set counted as 1 point. 1 min rest in between and then you started again with the burpees. 5 rounds.

I basically looked at that and said shiiiiiiittttt. That’s 125 burpees before you even get into scoring.

My score was pretty pathetic (4 + 4, or four completed rounds and 4 half completed) but I did every one of those 125 burpees, dammit. There is no way on god’s green earth that would have been possible two weeks ago.

Not only that, but I didn’t feel too bad the next day, either. Which, as I told Kelly, made me feel like I should have pushed harder. Which in turn made me want to punch myself in the face.

So, verdict so far as a relative newbie:

People will tell you that you don’t have to have a solid athletic base to do CrossFit, as it is scalable to your fitness level. Either these people are liars, or it will vary from box to box. Keep in mind that I am reasonably fit and this isn’t even proper CrossFit, but more a bootcamp-type class. See if you can sneak in for a preview.

There is a definite sense of camaraderie among the class attendees. We’re all in this hell together.

I really like our teacher, Szabi, who is a peculiar blend of inappropriate humor, soft-spokenness, and ass kicking.

I have pushed harder than I ever have, in these classes. Partially because I am competitive, partially because it’s only 30 minutes or less and I’m acutely aware of that. Would I ever do 125 burpees at home? NOT ON YOUR LIFE.

I’ve also voluntarily pushed harder at home. Rather than doing smaller sets of pushups, I’ve been trying to keep it up until absolute failure. (I know what that feels like now. There have been times when I’ve had 2 pushups left and thought I wasn’t capable of doing them.)

I have wanted to vomit at least a dozen times, but not badly enough that Szabi has kindly stood nearby with the bucket.

I am way stronger already, 3 classes in. The DOMS have seriously lessened. This works, and that’s why I’m going to keep going.

We’ll see how I feel about it once I’ve finished the 10 classes, but right now I’m inclined to think I’m going to want to try and talk Jeff into a family membership to CrossFit. I think he and Jake (my 15yo) would LOVE the non-traditional gym feel and competitiveness of it.

CrossFit Riverfront also offers rowing, yoga and CrossFit Kids classes; Maverick would enjoy the badassery and individual sport, Cass loves everything athletic. And compared to other boxes CrossFit Riverfront is a good deal for the money.

And that’s my foray into CrossFit thus far. Hope my abject humiliation was enjoyable 🙂

For the love of everything that’s holy, stop saying things are the new sexy.

No really. I mean it.

You know how Justin Timberlake brought sexy back?

I’d pay him two turntables and a microphone to take that shit back where he found it.

It’s become a common thing lately to say things are the new sexy.

Strong is the new sexy.

Smart is the new sexy.

Confident is the new sexy.

Um, NO. Words matter. Distinctions matter.

They matter in the way we judge ourselves and the message we impart to our daughters.

There is a difference, and I’ll tell you what that difference is.

By definition, sexy means attractive, appealing, arousing sexual desire or interest.

Strong, smart, confident, generous, adventurous:

these are states of being.

You ARE strong if your body or spirit is capable of great burden.

You ARE smart if you can decipher or analyze.

You ARE confident if you believe in yourself, even when circumstance beckons you not to.

These are qualities of being. They are ends in themselves.

Sexy is a state of appearing. It is a byproduct.

Sexy is by definition a PERCEPTION of your physical and hormonal allure to another person.

It is, and please excuse my language, a measure of how f*ckable you are.

I don’t give a rat’s ass how f*ckable I appear to anyone.

I want to BE strong. I want to BE smart. I want to BE confident and independent and courageous.

In all things I strive to BE and not SEEM.

You play a dangerous game when you confuse what you ARE and what you APPEAR TO BE.
SO. Please.

Aim to BE so many things.

Just stop calling them the new sexy.

That demeans them. And you.

*For the record, I love the MAC ad pictured and its implication of strong as beautiful. It is the cheapening of that message that I resent.*

If you weren’t aware, my job title is VP of Community at FitFluential. And what an incredible community it is.

We have a large runner base, and I have had the privilege of following these runners as they train, fail, grow stronger, set goals, achieve personal greatness. This community supports each other wholeheartedly: giving advice, encouraging dreams, celebrating all achievements, no mater how small.

Inspired by this community, I ran my first 5k about this time last year and was hooked by my own ability to exceed my expectations and the sheer exuberance of those who ran with me. I shared my next 5k (the next day) with my son and the Color Run a month later with all three of mychildren and a team of my friends. On my daughter’s 8th birthday I ran the Merrill Down & Dirty Mud Run with my oldest; it was hard. My clothing and my shoes were heavy but my heart and spirit were light. Running that obstacle race demanded more than I had ever thought I might accomplish.

The senseless bombing at the finish line of the Boston Marathon wrecked me.

For the runners, and the spectators who were proudly waiting to cheer their loved ones to the finish. I’ve watched online, lived vicariously, as so many prepared for this day, given shoutouts as they readied themselves. To run the Boston Marathon, you have to qualify: run a certain time at approved marathons. It’s amazing to simply be a runner in this race. These are  the best of the best. To have such an accomplishment diminished by tragedy; to see runners injured as they are about to cross the line; to see the culmination of all that hard work ripped away breaks my heart. I can’t imagine what the day was like for those who were running, the disappointment of those who didn’t get to finish.

Today I’m wearing my Down & Dirty race tee, in solidarity with the running community as they wear race shirts or blue & yellow in response to the tragedy in Boston. Usually I am critical of such gestures; I would prefer that people respond by donating their money or time or otherwise of themselves.

This is different.

I don’t know the motivation behind the bombing. It may have been someone attacking the very American notion of endeavoring to become our best selves— to dream, to persevere, to triumph. It may have been a disgruntled runner jealous of the achievement of those who qualified. It may have been someone fed up with runners taking pride in their run times on Facebook.

But what was meant to instill terror has achieved quite the opposite effect. Where other similar tragedies have prompted fear, this one has prompted defiance and strength and solidarity. Whoever this was, they fucked with the wrong city, the wrong race, the wrong community.

The wake of the Boston bombing in the run community has been nothing short of amazing. Marathoners crossed the finish line and kept on running, to give blood to those in need. Donations have flooded in. Bostonians opened their homes to those displaced or unable to leave due to transit lockdown.

Runners get shit done.

Runners are familiar with adversity. They acknowledge the pain and they run through it. Runners are people who strive to dig deep and perform, in spite of muscle aches or personal insecurities or time constraints. Runners support and celebrate each other. Runners keep going.

Predictably, I’ve seen posts today bemoaning the fact that there is evil in the world, wondering how to speak of it with our children. I say, it is right for them to understand that there is evil, that there is pain. That it doesn’t discriminate. That it is unpredictable and unfair and happens a whole lot more than people like to acknowledge, especially in other parts of the world. Tell them. And then point to how people stepped up and  filled the vacuum formed by hate and despair with a wave of support and love and strength.

There is evil in the world but it serves to throw in sharp relief the enormity of good in humanity.

We can’t prevent tragedy but we don’t have to be slowed by fear.

I’m often frustrated during my swimming class, because I’m so easily tired and short of breath. My instructor is quick to point out that swimming and running are separate skill sets, that you use different muscles and breathing strategies for each. She likes to elicit confirmation from others to make me feel better. “Robin is a runner and she’s discouraged because it’s hard for her to swim laps. Don’t you think swimming is different than running?”

I wince every time. The person she asks always responds the same way— that yes, the activities differ and though this one can swim forever without tiring, they’re out of breath running to their mailbox. That’s not what I’m reacting to.

I wince because I would never call myself a runner. I am slow, I fight for every mile, I begrudge every run.

Yesterday, feeling helpless and sad as one is wont to do in the face of such events, I laced up my Mizunos and ran three miles. My calves felt tight and it was raining, but I did it anyway. It felt like the right thing to do.

You see, after other recent tragedies (and they seem to happen so often now), there’s been an uncertainty as to what to do. There is no such uncertainty here. Tomorrow and the days following, we may look for broader measures to prevent such incidents. But today we run.

There’s a reason why there’s a ‘cult’ of running. Why your running friends are always trying to get you to join them. It’s because when you run you’re free. You are in charge. You are capable. There is no room for fear.

Step up to that starting line. Own the finish line.

Today I call myself a runner because I run. I wear my race tee to stand with everyone else that strives every day to do better, to run faster, to become a better version of themselves, to continue to do what they once believed they could not do.

Runners run to something. They run for something. They sure as hell are not about to start running from something.

I am deeply affected and saddened by what happened in Boston. My heart goes out to those affected, but I am undeterred. If anything I  am more determined than ever to earn my place in this amazing community.

I’ll likely never be a marathoner, but today I am a runner. I am slow, but I am always improving.

I am strong. I am proud.

And I am not afraid.

Hey, this blog is brand new. (My other one is right here.) It would be cool if you visited me again.