On Why Strong is Not the New Sexy






For the love of everything that’s holy, stop saying things are the new sexy.

No really. I mean it.

You know how Justin Timberlake brought sexy back?

I’d pay him two turntables and a microphone to take that shit back where he found it.



strong is not the new sexy



It’s become a common thing lately to say things are the new sexy.


Strong is the new sexy.

Smart is the new sexy.

Confident is the new sexy.


Um, NO. Words matter. Distinctions matter.

They matter in the way we judge ourselves and the message we impart to our daughters.

There is a difference, and I’ll tell you what that difference is.


By definition, sexy means attractive, appealing, arousing sexual desire or interest.


Strong, smart, confident, generous, adventurous:

these are states of being.


You ARE strong if your body or spirit is capable of great burden.

You ARE smart if you can decipher or analyze.

You ARE confident if you believe in yourself, even when circumstance beckons you not to.

These are qualities of being. They are ends in themselves.


Sexy is a state of appearing. It is a byproduct.


Sexy is by definition a PERCEPTION of your physical and hormonal allure to another person.

It is, and please excuse my language, a measure of how f*ckable you are.


I don’t give a rat’s ass how f*ckable I appear to anyone.


I want to BE strong. I want to BE smart. I want to BE confident and independent and courageous.

In all things I strive to BE and not SEEM.

You play a dangerous game when you confuse what you ARE and what you APPEAR TO BE.
SO. Please.


Aim to BE so many things.


Just stop calling them the new sexy.

That demeans them. And you.



*For the record, I love the MAC ad pictured and its implication of strong as beautiful. It is the cheapening of that message that I resent.*




  1. Angela

    Picture me standing and applauding!

  2. Love it. 🙂 Great post.


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